Creating harmony. I've been cleaning and clearing and taking care of hurt parts and deep unconsious core wounds and now I'm back to connecting to the other side. I sense that I have the ability to look at both sides now and that I am remembering to look back to the lighted side again.
Sometimes when I go in deep into the darkness I start to forget my way back to the light and it takes me a few tentative tries. I trust in God/Goddess that I will be guided back when I go in and I feel like I have such a strong connection to the Light that I don't see how will I ever forget my way, but when I go in, over comes the veil and it gets very thick...slowly I relinquish my knowing and I become the slowly pulsing formlessness. I can stay in this motionless, muted womb state for a timeless period because everything has lost it's reference without the sharp senses. The whole while searching for the single point of penetration, where the wound is freshest so there can be another refernce point. The oozing pain of the piercing wound becomes a focal point for reflection. Going over and over the words, the pain, the people, the pain, the circumstance, the pain, the projection, the pain, the cover up, the pain, the self preservation, the pain. SPACE Finally surrender. No pain. Sweetness and no pain, just surrender. Over and over again, until the wound is closed over and throbs with a soft pink glow, like a kitten's tongue. I have been washed over and healing begins.
Healing brings me slowly to the surface again where my senses kick in and I start to see the meaning in all things relating. The ego has subsided again because the preservation has been taken care of. I have taken care of myself to the extreme of my own self love. I have given myself the unconditional love that my wound was looking for from others. Now I turn my gaze back to the Light where I refill from Source and I become full to overflowing.
I feel more intact and open to learning again. I learn from play. Even going deep into the other side is done out of play not fear. My soul just wants to play. Most everything I have done has been motivated by my desire to play. Being aware of myself and my level of boredom and desire to experience new lessons is what motivates me. Awareness of self has always somehow been there. Meditation was one of my earliest past times and connection to awarenesses.
Awareness of self is another lesson I have chosen to expereince the opposite side of. I remember being a senior in high school and realizing I desired to know what others felt like when they had no awareness of self. I thought what freedoms that would allow. I decided to put on the veil for my coming college years and to experience life "normally". I did, and I loved my college years. I made so many great friends and memories. It was a real human experience, but by the time in my late twenties, I longed for my earlier life of feeling connected to source. I longed for the easiness of finding my connection to my awareness of self. I was amazed that I could not just pop back into the easy level of awareness that I had played in growing up. How had I so completely lost my awareness? I went back to meditating and finally found it again, but that is a whole other story.
For now, I am bushwacked back from my latest adventure. See, that is me sitting on the hillside having a picnic. Cheers
I used to play with the fear, but now I think I prefer to just play. Going deep into both sides is an experience I think the bi-polar energy covets and tries to mimic. I feel like that is what people are attracted to when they sense my energy because they want to follow the road, but it isn't as glamorous as it looks. And bi-polar is all about glamor, right Mr. Sheen.
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