I love the sychronicity of the moment. I have been asking to clear the blocks around attracting my romantic relationship; and this weekend I sure got it. I have felt like I have been wearing blinders because I am always working on different areas of myself and my awareness of self and what are my projections and what are the projections from others. I go deeply into unravelling the mental and emotional patterns and releasing the cooresponding attachments if found in the physical. This has been my practice since as long as I can remember as kid because I was always sensitive and an empath and could feel the projections and sense the patterns long before I knew psychologically what they were. I sensed these thoughtforms or beleifs or attitudes from people and dogmas and questioned where did these come from and did I agree with them? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, whatever honestly served me at the time of my then awareness. If it was what I really needed or saw no harm in agreeing to I would "try the patterns on". That of course is a whole other story than I have time to go into now, but I was born conscious and stayed conscious for many years as I grew to be an adult. In my 20's I asked to have the veil so that I could experience what it felt like to live as a human with the human experiences I saw others having. It worked like a charm, but much to my surprise was much harder to shed than I ever realized as kid. Agreeing to agree has been much harder to come back to than I had imagined. "Adais Taday Adais" is the phrase in gurmukhi. As a human I agreed to not agree to Universe but only agreed to an outside agenda that came with it a whole host of manipulations and persuasions. The Universal YES was a slow vibration to come back home to.
Anyway, this weekend was quite phenomenal in regard to my healing. I asked to work on my blocks around romantic relationships and I sure got it. The most amazing part was during my meditation after a huge disgruntled outburst from my ex-father-in-law (of all people...funny Universe). I saw in my minds eye, my pain bubble and his pain bubble brush up against eachother to ignite the wound and draw attention to the pervasive pain between us. The more I looked, the more I saw I had my own pain and he had his and yes we shared pain, but mostly we had our own pains which were not really seen by the other. We each had our own pain bubbles and there was an area of pain that connected us between the pain bubbles that made a third area of pain. The third area of pain was the rewounding to bring attention to the seperation of pain bubbles.
This was very interesting to witness and I realized that I really didn't need to understand all of what his pain bubble included. I just did not need to know. It was full of his stories and mine were different and that the third pain was around not being heard and the mask of putting up defenses. I just dropped the need to pry and left him alone without the urge to fix it or change it or understand it-ultimately so that I could feel better. I turned my attention to my own pain bubble and looked at the great sadness that eminated there. The feelings of despair, grief and sadness. The thoughts that appeared and the emotions that emitted through this pain were my focus. As I witnessed what rose to the surface and felt compassion for myself; aided by the colors of the fall foliage all around me shining, shades of green and gold, I slowly felt lighter and more resilient: fortified and original. My pain bubble started to shrink, like the air slowly coming out and it shrivelled onto the floor of my imagination. It just lay there shriveled up on the floor. And I felt the old connection between the pain bubbles severed. Using the images of gold and green I reinforced the clearing of the space and came back to my waking mind feeling neutral and calm.
I felt like I could now communicate from more of my original self than just the huge bubble of pain that preceeded me. I lost my buffer, but I also lost what was attracting another bubble from someone else's painful memories. Synchronistically the moment I had this realization, my cell phone rang and his number appeared. Much to my chagrin later when I listened to the message he left, I heard nothing but music playing in the background on the radio.....funny Universe.
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