Stroking the Ego
I'm reminded today of a story that happened many years ago when I was working on a movie set and invited my parents to the set for lunch to see what I did. When I got a chance to talk to them I asked my mom what she thought of the whole "behind the scenes" and she said it was nice...Minnesota nice...and then she asked very seriously what was wrong with the woman who was being so pampered or if she was pregnant? I looked in the direction she was nodding and could see she was referring to the star. I had to laugh at how innocent my mom was in her question and also how ridiculous it all looked to anyone not caught up in it.
Our egos can really need a lot of stroking and sometimes we even see people literally doing the job right out there in public. Wow, as if that isn't obscene....we can become so self centered that we demand others to bend to our will. I have recently witnessed how afraid people can be to take responsibility for their own actions. And this also reminded me of a time when I had to become very clean and clear with all of my communications especially around sexuality, because I may have been leaking energy and unintentionally using my body language to get the acceptance I wanted. I also have a lot of creativity which I needed to value and commit to taking responsibility. Then I had to really concentrate a whole year on cleaning up my interactions and taking responsibility for all the misdeeds I had committed. I was so reluctant to take responsibility, because as a single parent I felt that I deserved or needed a break, but of course that was just and illusion and my ego looking to be stroked. Now I look back at all the responsibility I have taken on and all the power that has come from it and the beautiful rewards and I know that it is something I was finally ready for. Training my ego to be my amigo has not always been easy, but I have to admit once I committed to my responsibilities, life did get a whole lot easier. Living with an ego that is neither squashed nor bloated is part of the process that I have found in making choices that don't come back to haunt me. Yogi Bhajan gave a lecture on the ghost of ourselves which is wonderful.
That's not to say that I don't provoke peoples egoes. My teacher was very good at it and he was adept at deflecting people's anger that often resulted. I never meant to follow in his footsteps, but it is part of getting right to the point which is my nature. I am blessed that at least I did know him and I could have such a good role model because it has never been easy to know the invisible and then try to ignore it. Speaking to people often seemed so bizarre since it just didn't add up with what they were expressing energetically. It is a big responsibliity to hold oneself accountable for what is innately known. I didn't always want to know some things that I saw...and still don't. It has taken me a lifetime to hold steady in the face of some very violent outbursts by others who feel threatened. Practicing Kundalini Yoga and daily reflections on the inner workings of my heart, mind, body & spirit give me clarity to see through most people's stuff and egoes. Being around other Kundalini yoginis is a very quick paced scenario for the most part, but sometimes it strikes a chord with the ego if someone has not truelly done their daily work or sadhana. Another huge part of the daily reflections is the surrendering and allowing more of the Divine to conquer the darkness of the negative patterns. Many people like to fool themselves with their own notion of divinity when it is really just their spiritual ego coming up to be looked at. We see this in all sorts of self-proclaimed teachers. It is tricky stuff since we need to be aware of our spritual selves, but if we become attached or can not let go, then we are basically not dealing with the Divine; but rather, another very persistant form of the ego. The ego will never allow defeat and always wants to hang onto the patterns, so it is really a matter of lovingly befriending our souls. When we focus on our souls and our soul becomes more of the leader, instead of the mind or ego, then life gets very interesting. Repeating the many names of God/Godess or the Divine is what helps to stay in the souls presence. Wahey Guru "Befriend your soul", Yogi Bhajan
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